Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Half the people you know are below average.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Banning the bra was a big flop.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Is there another word for synonym?
Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!
Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
What do people in China call their good plates?
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway
Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?
Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Logo Design Questionnaire
Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. The more information I have, the better and more appropriate the final result will be!