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Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

Half the people you know are below average.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

What do people in China call their good plates?

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Is there another word for synonym?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?

Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

Logo Design Questionnaire

Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. The more information I have, the better and more appropriate the final result will be!

  • What is the name or your company, product or service for which you are seeking a logo? It should reflect exactly what you want in your logo. For example, "inc." - in or out?
  • Do you have a specific deadline by which the logo must be completed (ASAP is not a date!)?
  • Describe your company/product in one word.
  • What other words describe your company/product?
  • Name three words that indicate how you wish your clients/customers to perceive you/your company/product.
  • Who is/are your main competitors?
  • What words and/or icons MUST be included in the logo?
  • What words and/or icons would you like to be included in the logo, if possible/feasible?
  • Name three logos you really like, and why.
  • Name three logos you really don't like, and why.
  • Do you have a tag line or slogan you wish to include with your logo? If yes, enter it here.
  • Who is your audience/customer/client?
  • What color/s would you like in the logo? Please be specific - i.e. if blue, which blue?
  • Are there any colors that should be avoided?
  • Is there anything else you want me to know that will help me design an appropriate and optimal logo for your company/product.
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