The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!
Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Is there another word for synonym?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
What do people in China call their good plates?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Half the people you know are below average.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.
I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Logo Design Questionnaire
Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. The more information I have, the better and more appropriate the final result will be!