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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.

I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Is there another word for synonym?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?

Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Half the people you know are below average.

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’

Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What do people in China call their good plates?

Alarms: What an octopus is.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.

Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

Logo Design Questionnaire

Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. The more information I have, the better and more appropriate the final result will be!

  • What is the name or your company, product or service for which you are seeking a logo? It should reflect exactly what you want in your logo. For example, "inc." - in or out?
  • Do you have a specific deadline by which the logo must be completed (ASAP is not a date!)?
  • Describe your company/product in one word.
  • What other words describe your company/product?
  • Name three words that indicate how you wish your clients/customers to perceive you/your company/product.
  • Who is/are your main competitors?
  • What words and/or icons MUST be included in the logo?
  • What words and/or icons would you like to be included in the logo, if possible/feasible?
  • Name three logos you really like, and why.
  • Name three logos you really don't like, and why.
  • Do you have a tag line or slogan you wish to include with your logo? If yes, enter it here.
  • Who is your audience/customer/client?
  • What color/s would you like in the logo? Please be specific - i.e. if blue, which blue?
  • Are there any colors that should be avoided?
  • Is there anything else you want me to know that will help me design an appropriate and optimal logo for your company/product.
  • Drop files here or
    Accepted file types: jpg, gif, png, pdf.
    Please use this link if you have any images you'd like to show me.