Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
A backwards poet writes inverse.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’
I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?
Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
What do people in China call their good plates?
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Is there another word for synonym?
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?
Half the people you know are below average.
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
Logo Design Questionnaire
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