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Definition of a will? – a dead giveaway

In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Is there another word for synonym?

Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

Half the people you know are below average.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Welcome To S**t Creek ~ Sorry, We’re Out of Paddles!

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bulls**t?

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can’t see them when you’re in space?

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Marriage changes passion…suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff the black box is made from?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?’

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

I got a sweater for Christmas…I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him… is he still wrong?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

Alarms: What an octopus is.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

What do people in China call their good plates?

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Logo Design Questionnaire

Please answer all questions to the best of your ability. The more information I have, the better and more appropriate the final result will be!

  • What is the name or your company, product or service for which you are seeking a logo? It should reflect exactly what you want in your logo. For example, "inc." - in or out?
  • Do you have a specific deadline by which the logo must be completed (ASAP is not a date!)?
  • Describe your company/product in one word.
  • What other words describe your company/product?
  • Name three words that indicate how you wish your clients/customers to perceive you/your company/product.
  • Who is/are your main competitors?
  • What words and/or icons MUST be included in the logo?
  • What words and/or icons would you like to be included in the logo, if possible/feasible?
  • Name three logos you really like, and why.
  • Name three logos you really don't like, and why.
  • Do you have a tag line or slogan you wish to include with your logo? If yes, enter it here.
  • Who is your audience/customer/client?
  • What color/s would you like in the logo? Please be specific - i.e. if blue, which blue?
  • Are there any colors that should be avoided?
  • Is there anything else you want me to know that will help me design an appropriate and optimal logo for your company/product.
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